Grief

Grief, like love, is a complex of feelings, emotions, memories and thoughts.  Grief inspires the deepest inquiries into the nature and meaning of existence. Even the distress of talking about grief reminds us that this complex of feeling, memories and thought is an important regulator of human affairs. As soon as you care about someone else, you incur the risk of losing him or her. If you become complacent over time, watching the suffering of others who have lost a loved one is a powerful reminder to be more careful. The prospect of grief is so daunting that humans who care for one another are more concerned and cautious in their custodial role, protecting loved ones.  People who have experienced a loss or near-loss will often declare that they became more appreciative of those around them.

Pure, pristine grief is our response to death. There is an initial emotional state with "outpouring of emotion". The expression is unmistakable in many cultures - crying, wailing, self-injury and self-neglect. The passionate stage of grief tends to last hours to days.  When a loved one dies, grief is inevitable but the onset may be delayed.

A sudden death is especially confusing, hard to believe and impossible to accept. A state of suspended disbelief may last for days or weeks, but sooner or later, grief explodes as the terrible truth is realized with clarity. The emotional expression of grief may be ritualized and dramatized as part of funeral observances. Grief emerges overtime with sustained dysphoric feelings.

Sadness is a subdued expression of grief that may last for years or even a lifetime.  Sadness is both a feeling of loss and withdrawal from life involvements. There is a gradation of sadness from mildly uncomfortable feelings expressed by poems and little tears to despair. The deep, impenetrable sadness of someone grieving the loss of a person truly loved is one of the hallmarks of sentient life on earth. Some humans do not survive their grief because the sadness is so profound and the loss so complete that life is not worth living.

Humans who have caused the loss of a loved one, accidentally or intentionally, have a debt to pay. The death-maker caused the survivors’ grief and survivors will experience mixed and sometimes prolonged sequences of sorrow, anger, hatred. Sooner or later, they  seek revenge. 

Anger  and revenge are antidotes to the self-destructive possibilities of grief. The question is do you kill yourself because you cannot bear the pain of loss or do you kill the person who caused your grief? Some humans do both. Some grieving survivors spend the rest of their life seeking revenge for the harm done to them and are not satisfied with partial remedies. Twenty years after a murder caused their grief, family members will gather at an austere prison to watch the execution of the murderer and will express satisfaction that “justice has been done”.

The term grief appears in a diminutive form in the term “grievance.” The idea remains the same; anyone who has suffered a loss will feel entitled to compensation. Law suits often award damages for “pain and suffering”. Grief is rewarded by payment and the bigger the grief, the bigger the payment.

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Emotions and Feelings

A Psychology & Philosophy series of books was developed by Persona Digital. The books are copyright and all rights to reproduction by any means are reserved. We encourage readers to quote and paraphrase topics from Emotions and Feelings 2011, published online, and expect proper citations to accompany all derivative writings. The author is Stephen Gislason and the publisher is Persona Digital Books, Sechelt, B.C. Canada.